When I lost my babies, Tina and Ricky, I had forgotten everything I knew. I forgot everything I ever knew about the Spirit Realm. I had forgotten every Spiritual experience I had ever had. Maybe part of the problem was that I had never been informed whether babies who crossed over before being born actually contained a Spirit and continued to live on for eternity. I did not know whether they had lived previous lives or not. Then again, I guess someone such as myself should have known better. My amnesia caused me to suffer from complicated grief after these two losses.
When my 26 year old son, John, crossed over, I forgot for a brief a moment. I had a brief moment of that hopelessness. The hopeless feeling that he no longer existed and never will again. The hopelessness that we were disconnected for all of eternity. That I would never be able to have a relationship with him ever again.
Thankfully, that was a very brief period because John saw fit to remind of what I used to know, of who I am. He was persistent (as he had been since the day he was born) in sending me reminders that we are eternal beings. He still exists and so do Tina and Ricky. He reminded me that they were with me and that Tina and Ricky always had been but I had shut down to the point of not even being able to feel their presences.
Spirit Art – Tina and Ricky
After I remembered who I am, who we all are, my grief changed because my perception changed. When my memory returned and I recalled that we never truly “die”, only our bodies do, I began to grieve only for my children’s physical presences. Every day afterward my ability to sense their presences intensified, became stronger.
Eventually my ability to communicate with them and others in Spirit began to improve. I think I merely needed to remember what I was capable of. What we are all capable of if we are willing to open our minds and hearts. My abilities are still not as good as when I was a child but it is enough that I do not grieve in the manner that most do.
I believe that if society did not treat death as taboo, our grieving process would be easier. If more of us were willing to let go of our fear of what lies beyond this Physical Realm, our grief would be different. We must return to the point where death is accepted. We need to do so for our own emotional and Spiritual health.
I believe that our ancestors dealt with loss much better than we do because they did not distance themselves from death. When death and dying was considered a natural process of both our physical and Spiritual lives, before funeral homes and funeral directors, people dealt with the subject and the actual event in their own homes. The parlour room in the home was used to have a wake where family and friends visited to pay their respects. Children were not shielded from death. They were included in the process; thereby giving them a healthy outlook on death with much less fear.
We need to return to the days when we are not in denial about death. My attitude about the loss of my son has caused some to accuse me of being in denial. People like me are not in denial. We are more aware of death and what it truly is than most others. It is those who refuse to utter the words, accept that a loved one is dying or has died, and/or acts as if the person who crossed over never existed, who are in denial. – Michelle