johnny

“Johnny” Spirit Art by Michelle Shill and John Patrick Stanton IV

The reasons why people grieve are many. We need to go through the process of grief in order to go through a period of letting our mind evaluate what has just happened and how to integrate it into our new life. We need to understand that grief is not only normal, but necessary. We need to be more understanding to those who grieve. They need the time to process their new situation and the pain and the shock that they currently reside in.

When we grieve we must give ourselves permission to do so. We must allow ourselves time to cry, scream, be angry, be sad, lonely, etc. Grieving is nothing to be ashamed of and everyone does it whether they admit it or not. Making a griever feel as if they should be done grieving is a huge mistake. They need to talk about their loved one in order to process what has happened. This can include losing babies due to miscarriages, homes, jobs, etc. These are all losses and all of these are worthy of the grieving process.

We need to understand that we all grieve differently. How we grieve depends on the person who is grieving, their relationship to the person who has crossed over, their past history, etc. When someone is afraid to show their grief we need to make them feel safe enough to grieve. Not grieving is much worse than grieving too long.

We must allow our grief to be shown through many different modalities. This can be done emotionally, artistically, physically, etc. We must understand that there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

We must be okay with being angry also. Anger is the most normal emotion to grief. We need to understand that  being angry at the situation or even the person who crossed over is perfectly natural and permissible. The one who crossed over is aware of your anger and no matter how much you to try to hide or deny it we are aware of it. We prefer that you be honest with yourself and deal with the anger. We understand the reasons for your anger and we can handle it. When you process the anger you will end up being a much healthier person in the long run.

When we allow ourselves to grieve we are doing what comes naturally. We are processing new situations in our lives. We need to get used to the idea that the person who crossed over is no longer present physically. We need to remember that they ARE present, however.

We must realize that we need to care for the one who is grieving. They will need your support and understanding for a very long time. Dependent on the relationship, it could be years. There is no time limit to grief. If it has been a very long time since the loss and the person still needs to talk about heir loved one, then you must let them. Do not ever expect a person to pretend that their loved one does not exist or, even worse, never existed. This is very harmful to the griever and if done too often, could even be dangerous to their mental health.

We must learn to be more understanding of someone who is grieving. If you have not experienced a loss such as theirs, this could be difficult. The best thing to do is not judge. You cannot determine someone else’s grief, even if you have experienced the same loss as they have. They are not the same person as you and will deal with it differently. There is no place for judgment in our Universe, especially when it comes to grief. We must learn to be more understanding with others. We need to be aware that we came here for unique individual experiences. We have all had losses, hurts and committed offenses; therefore, we must not judge. We need to remember that Source does not judge, so why should we?

The Spirit Realm is all around you at all times. The Spirits who are around you at any given moment vary but they are there. You must realize that they are grieving with you. When a Spirit is newly returned to the Spirit Realm, they need to also process what has happened. They need to reintegrate back into the Spirit Realm. This process varies from Spirit to Spirit. Those with the more difficult lives and most anger take the longest to reintegrate. Watching our family and friends grieve is very difficult for us. We need to understand that this is not only difficult for those who are still in the Physical Realm, but also in the Spirit Realm.

We must give ourselves the permission we need to feel the emotions we are currently having. Society has taught us that emotions are unreliable and are signs of weakness. This is not so. It takes a very courageous person to be honest with themselves and others when they are hurting, depressed or grieving. We need to come back to the point where we realize that we are emotional beings. We must learn to use both our logic and our emotions in our everyday lives. – John

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