“Michelle In Her Twenties” Spirit Art by Michelle and Tina Schill
I have recently begun attending a Spiritual Awakening Support Group, which I found on meetup.com. I love these meetings and look forward to attending it every month. The facilitator is a beautiful being with a warm and calming presence. He is trained in teaching A Course On Miracles and is very knowledgeable.
We had a discussion yesterday on whether or not Awakening is a gradual process over years or if it is occurs suddenly in a moment. He said it is different for everyone and he has heard of both scenarios. He felt his happened over a several year span. I used to think that mine did not begin until after John crossed over but now I believe it has been very gradual over the course of my life but sped up after that life altering event.
As I explained to our group yesterday afternoon, having access to the Spirit Realm since birth caused me to question much of what I was taught. Of course, I did not have the courage to voice my doubts; however, these days I seem to have very little problem questioning things vocally. I can recall many times learning things from religious teachers and clergy that I knew were wrong because I learned differently from Spirit.
After turning off my abilities I thought I had forgotten what Spirit had taught me; however, the persistent doubts and questions lead me to believe that I did not truly forget. I can recall on a few occasions asking a pastor a question only to receive an answer I knew was wrong or receive an answer that indicated they did not know. I have listened to so many sermons that did not resonate me and left me feeling uneasy.
During John’s adult years (before crossing over) he was an Atheist and we had many conversations regarding Spirituality and religion. He really got me to question things even more. I began, at this point, to really think for myself. I believe it was then that our Higher Selves were “reminding” us both of what was coming and what our Spiritual work together would be.
I have always been a person who craves knowledge. I love to read and do research. Once I learn something, I get itchy feet and feel the need to move on, go deeper, go higher. My favorite topic has always been all things Spiritual. As I look over my life, I feel this is evident. I was raised in the Roman Catholic church and, as an adult, when I felt I had received all they could offer me, I moved on to the United Methodist Church. After a few years I felt the need to move on again and went to the Assemblies Of God Church. When the church seemed to begin losing the Spiritual component and became more of a business, I lost interest. I began to attend less and less due to lack of interest and my illness. I tried to watch the service on line but this did not last long because it no longer felt “right” for me. After John crossed over I got into Spiritualism.
I feel as if I have been searching all of my life and these were my stepping stones. I feel as if my questions, doubts, the need to keep moving on and the need for more knowledge indicates that my Awakening has been a gradual one over my lifetime.
After John exited and things began to move more quickly in my Spiritual life, I spent the first couple of years alone. I felt the need to be alone to do my thinking and research. I needed to be alone to learn all I could about things such as meditation, yoga, energy, cleansing, etc. I think this happens to many people and is a natural part of the process; however, I do not believe it is healthy to be alone for the rest of your life.
I have recently begun to crave the company of like minded people. I wanted to have people I could talk with on a deep level about all things Spiritual. I needed advice and guidance. I first found a Spiritualist church in my area. Although I have not yet been able to attend on a regular basis, I am making every effort to do so in the very near future. This church has much to offer me. More than just meeting people such as myself, they have classes, development circle, meetings, get togethers, etc.
As I mentioned, I have also found a Spiritual Awakening Support Group. This group is helping me so much and yesterday’s conversation was very deep. The facilitator seems to have a habit of unknowingly saying things that click with me and help me with my Spiritual growth. In January, he asked about my chronic illness. After I explained it to him he mentioned that he felt it could be because I was in resistance. I have been in great resistance to connecting to my Higher Self because I figured if I do not like me, I would not like her either. (Yes, cousin, that is why I asked you that question.) There are many other things I have been in resistance to but this one is the most important. I thought a great deal about this because it resonated with me. During my next bout of illness I really gave it serious consideration and discussed it with my “Spiritual Team” (aka, my Higher Self and mostly dad and John). I am finding that the more I figure these things out and work on them the better I am feeling emotionally, physically and Spiritually.
In addition to the knowledge and support, I am gaining new friends. It seems that when you are a grieving parent and are beginning your Spiritual Awakening, you lose people who have been in your life. It starts to become very lonely. My two closest friends are still here but one of them lives 800 miles away. I really do not see or talk to my family much (besides my youngest son and, of course, my family in Spirit). I am mostly in contact with my cousin, who lives two hours away, and then secondly my brother. The fact that I am meeting new people is very exciting to me and it has lifted my vibrational frequency.
We all must be prepared for these changes when we begin to Awaken but we must also bear in mind that we need the support, love, care and company of those who are like us. We are united because we all emanate from Source and although we come here for unique, individual experiences, we are still one and need the company of others. – Michelle