There is a bondage or feeling of imprisonment when one lies or keeps secrets. You must always be careful of what you say to make sure you are not caught in the lie or to keep the secret from coming to the light.
This makes for very strained relationships, particularly if it is someone you are close to. When having a conversation, you are constantly on guard and cannot truly enjoy the company of the other. This can cause anxiety, depression, bitterness, etc.
I am very aware of this because I have been doing this for about 17 years with someone I love very much. There are times, however, when it is in the other person’s best interest to not have knowledge of certain things. These instances are rare and must truly be out of love, not out of control or manipulation.
For all of these years, this person heard other sides of a story but never mine. I kept my mouth shut because I knew it would hurt this person for me to add to this very horrible and stressful situation. I sacrificed a lot out of love at the time; however, all those years ago, I promised that I would tell this person my side of the story when the time was right. Both the person and I had to be at the right place emotionally and mentally. I promised myself that when that day arrived, I would not do this out of anger, malice, vengefulness or to try to coerce the person into taking sides and claim that I was right and everyone else was wrong. I also promised that I would tell this person that I take responsibility for my errors in the situation.
It was a very long and difficult wait but patience is a virtue and that day finally arrived. I had a very emotional and heartfelt conversation with the person. It was very difficult for us both and we were both very teary eyed. I told my side of the story and explained that this is my perspective and the others have their perspective, which is fine, but since he had heard all the other sides, I felt it was time for him to hear mine.
Although I had a feeling of lightness and relief afterward, I was concerned that I may have hurt this person, which was the very thing I had been trying to avoid for all those years; however, the next day we were both in exceptionally good moods.
I now have an open and honest relationship with this person. Although I had to keep this secret for his welfare, I will never again keep a secret nor lie to him. We can both relax and enjoy each other’s company to the fullest.
As long as it will not cause undue harm to someone, it is always best to be open and honest. The quality of the relationship is much higher when you can be free with each other. – Michelle