2015-12-04-00-56-36

Art by Michelle Buchheit-Schill

In two days, May 11, it will be the third anniversary of when my son, John, crossed over. It was Mother’s Day that year and my son was 26 years old.

Yesterday I awoke with heart palpitations and the ME/CFS acting up. This morning I awoke with anxiety and depression. I often wonder when this time of the year will get easier for me. I think the answer is when I, myself, cross over.

Throughout my life I have had many people cross over before me: my father, all four of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. This is different, however.  This pain is more pronounced, more severe and after three years, this time of year is not any easier.

The two weeks preceding May 11, I try to leave my house as little as possible…the Mother’s Day advertisements are too much to bear. They are in every store I enter, everywhere I go. The internet is bad enough.

Both May 11 and Mother’s Day are excruciatingly painful for me. I cannot begin to describe how much I hate and dread Mother’s Day. I cannot wait for Monday to arrive. – Michelle

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